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Saturday, October 22, 2011

Chapter Ending Sample from Book #3 MS4

 I am working on the rewrite of Book #3 to bring it from the MS3 version to the MS4 versions. One of the things I am having to contend with is that my writing style has changed a good bit since I originally wrote MS3 and it's been tricky integrating the two styles. I wrote a blog post on Repressed Memories and Writing trying to explain why this has happened. I'm having to integrate the two styles, which sometimes is a bit tricky. In the rewrite, besides deepening the characterizations and exposing the thoughts of the characters, I have also tried to insure that more of the chapter endings have some "spice" to them--hopefully to keep the reader reading. 
The chapter I just finished working on is one of the apexes of the entire serial, because it is where critical emotions, critical facts, and the full use of interwoven telepathic conversations and mind reading come into play. It is a fairly complex chapter requiring the reader to track who can hear what while simultaneous decoding the mind manipulation going on between the two parties who communicate over the vastness of space using something similar to a video link. So the two parties cannot hear each others telepathic conversations where they strategize in a chess game style what the next negotiating point will be.
In this chapter,  Sophista has negotiated with the Federation of the Twenty for control of present day Earth. Stefan, a seventh grade boy and Tova2, a nineteen-year-old girl have recently become immortal super-beings and are betrothed to each other. They have two adopted 9 year-old alien sons, Paul1 and Paul25. The "@" marks communication on a family private telepathic channel. Stefan must learn to be the secret king of Earth in 8 weeks or he will be killed. Here is the chapter ending. I hope you enjoy it.

The connection ends. Tova2 walks over to Stefan and takes his hand. “Don’t worry, Babe. It will get easier. I will always be with you.”

“I just want to enjoy life with you,” whines Stefan. “I wish our family could just stay on Sophista. I hate having to be on guard all the time, especially on guard for the Federation.”

“I know, Babe,” comforts Tova2. “We had a good time at the Peter memorial and so did the Pauls. We will find ways to have good times in spite of it all. Please don’t say anything about this to Peter2. He is really depressed about you going to Earth.”

“After the conversation with the Federation, I know how he feels,” moans Stefan.

Stefan’s mom walks over and takes Stefan from Tova2. She grasps his head and gives him a tight hug as if he is still a little boy; he closes his eyes. She looks directly into Tova2’s eyes as she strokes Stefan’s hair. “I know this is hard, my son. But soon you will rule and you know very well that it is inevitable. It would be terribly bad for you to be poorly prepared.”

While she continues to look at Tova2 and stroke Stefan’s hair she thinks, “It’s up to you now, Tova2. Whether he is ready or you murder my only son, is in your hands.”

Tova2 hears within Paul25’s mind, “Please momma, dad must not die.”

A tear drops from Stefan’s eye. Tova2 realizes that he has read those around him too. Fear penetrates her heart like an icy shard.

@ Paul1 blurts to all listeners on the channel loudly, “Dad will be ready; I will make sure!”

Anashivalia begins to smile in relief as she sees a smile begin to sparkle across Stefan’s face. “That’s my boy,” she praises.

Everyone begins to smile as they see a radiant light of happiness fluoresce from Stefan’s darkness. Tova2 covers her mouth with her hand in silent terror as she watches, for only she realizes that the light slips through from the first tiny crack in Stefan’s mind.
Copyright 2011 by Rusty Biesele, All Rights Reserved.

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